Wishing you all the best as you enter this uncharted territory. Your post reminded me of a quote attributed to the poet Rumi:
“ As you start to walk on the way, the way appears. “
The world seems to be on fire, so I am grateful for the wisdom you share with us and I very much look forward to the January course that you and Jason will lead.
That's a beautiful quote. Going to hang on to it. I'm so glad you'll be there in January. It is shattering what's happening...it will feel good to focus on practicing together.
This is a wonderful update! And I’m so looking forward to the course. We moved our neurodiverse boys to a Montessori high school this year and they are thriving! They are tending chickens, pigs, goats, and bees. They are doing massive amounts of art. And they are HAPPY. I told my husband the other day that I have so much more time because all my kids are happy and enjoying school. It’s been a long road, but one that’s worth it to protect and support them as they grow in their unique ways. I echo the fears that the world isn’t shaped for people like them, but yes—there are non-traditional paths to success! So good to hear from you. Happy holidays to you and your family.
That school sounds amazing, Sarah. Wow, what a blessing to have them all enjoying it! I know how rare that can be. May it continue! Happy holidays to you and yours! XX
Since there wasn't an alternative choice for schools, I chose to homeschool. I couldn't imagine my kids thriving in the local school. We had chickens, ducks, bees and a huge garden. The outdoors became their classroom. The might not be able to recite back historical dates, but they are resourceful, bright and know who they are.
Thank you so much for sharing. I am deeply moved by this. It has been my journey and my daughters. Discovering her ADHD made me realized all my struggles growing up. I tear up thinking of all we are doing for our kids so they feel the "belonging" and how hard has been for the child in us navigating the world back then. Thank you for articulating this so well and clear. This letter will be shared with so many of my dear humans who are struggling with this. Happy Holidays
It's so hard to believe how little we knew about ADHD and autism as kids. It was really awful for us different ones. I hope that your discovery of diagnosis allows you to practice self-compassion for the child who was not seen or understood in the way she needed. Be tender with yourself. It can help over time.
Traditional education is certainly not for everyone … we have 5 adult children and each had a very different experience. As a former educator, I know for sure every single child is different in so many ways. My husband, a retired elementary school principal has always said we shouldn’t expect each child to be the same, learning in the same way at the same rate just like we shouldn’t expect all 4th graders to be 4 feet tall.
I have so much respect for educators who care about their individual kids. I can only imagine how hard it is to juggle so many different learners -- not the mention the parents! We are so lucky that we've found a principal who cares so much about his kids' overall well-being. It's a completely new experience for us.
Thank you for showing your vulnerability and honesty. It is incredibly challenging to even just raise a small human, and when you throw in a side dish of neurodivergent brains it’s a whole new deal! I, much like Jason was not diagnosed until adulthood....after our own struggles with our son and his neurodivergent brain. I can viscerally relate to your comment on sitting with your daughter pushing to get packets of homework done. Heartbreak doesn’t even describe how that feels.
I’m proud of you for finding her tools and advocating. I will say, I always question the accomodations, and at the end of the day I reflect on my own struggles and see that I am a yoga teacher, nutrition therapy practitioner and mama and none of that is a “normal” typical lifestyle and I am doing great!
Anyway!! So proud of you and Jason for advocating for her and for yourselves! Pretty amazing humans!
Thanks, Darcy and I'm so glad you are doing great! Yes, the heartbreak of the pushing her into so many situations in the past...ugh. It's painful. I just keep thinking that I'm glad I know better now!
Brava, sissy! Soooo proud of you for listening to your gut and to Sofia, for not backing down and for sharing your journey. This is helping so many families! xx
When I read your letter this month, I feel your looking into our home and describing what our few years have been like. I have stepped back, and surrendered to what education is "supposed" to look like for our daughter. I've made a conscious decision to have fun and chase our interests together with friends. I too get a nagging feeling sometimes of---is this enough? I breathe and say....she'll figure this out, trust the process, God's got this! and therefore, so does she! The sweetest Namaste!🙏
Oh Andrea, I’m so glad things are better now. It is hard to watch our kids struggle and making accommodations is the absolute right thing but then it’s so hard to not worry about the future, and well, my kids are big kids now, but I still have to work hard to remember that everything will be okay for them, even if they are not cookie-cutter kids. (Yeah, that was a run-on sentence but it is what my life feels like sometimes. I have to remember to pause to breathe.)
Wishing you, Jason and Sofia all the best during this holiday season. It is a lot for people whose nervous systems are wired with a need for rest. I hope you can find a good balance of fun and peace. xoxo
I now understand why parents say that, in a way, the worry never ends. You just love them so much!! I hope you get a lovely holiday respite, too, Barb!
Thank you for posting this. I think there needs to be more open conversation about neurodiversity and the gifts as well as the challenges that it can bring. I live in a household with 3 wonderful humans that are all trying to fit into this crazy place. My oldest son is 25 and slowly working his way through college. Most academic systems don't support different ways of learning and processing. It has been a long road, and he continues to amaze me with his confidence. My other son is trying to figure out his own path, but it's painful to watch when his differences hold him back from trying new things. We seem to live in a culture that supports kids and people that are able to fit in. People that don't question the old ways and refuse to be open to change. I applaud your ability to listen and support your child. Way to go! Keep fighting for her.
I agree that not "fitting in" is made so much more difficult by lack of understanding and support. I see more neurodiverse advocates shifting the level of understanding for the better...but not so much the support. I feel so fortunate that we have the means and time and find the right supports for her...and I worry for the kids who don't. Hoping that maybe in my next career iteration I can help do something about that. Sending you a big high five and a hug!!
Andrea, thank you. So much of what your write resonated. It’s wonderful that you found the fit for your kiddo. We’re navigating neurodiversity with my little one who’s at a traditional school currently. I’m grateful that we live in a day in age that we have options for school and career that can be tailored to fit what we need to thrive.
Yes! You make a really good point. I've often felt grateful that there's such a better understanding of neurodiversity -- even in just 10 years. Wishing you and your little one the best. It feels like needs change each year so we're just taking it a year at a time.
Thanks so much for sharing your journey! I have a rising kindergartner who has been in a nature-based, play-based preschool where he thrives and I just can't bring myself to put him in the traditional education system. I can't see him sitting in a desk all day long with less than 30 minutes a day to go outside and play. Though I know my child *could* adapt to that system I want him to thrive as he is, not as society expects him to be. And I know deep down in my heart that though the world may be challenging for the kids who are different, it's the kids who are different that make the biggest difference :)
So good to read this, Andrea 🩷 So glad your little girl is happy and thriving; such a relief for you all xxx
I hear and feel you 💯 re: neurodivergence and schooling. We’ve (our 12yo and moi) only recently been diagnosed with adhd (and I suspect our eldest is too, but he’s like me at school; it is easy to pick up what’s happening in class from the references, so we never suspected until now that we know more about it)
I subscribe to the theory that Hunters and Gatherers were truly neurodivergent (you need people to be up in the night to keep guard, to hear every sound in the forest for predators, etc.), and hence we are hunters trying to live in a Farmers’ world!
What I’ve also discovered is that once our needs are met, we are good 😌 (and mainstream schooling and a 9-5 job don’t meet our needs). We started home-educating our 12-year-old since last June and never looked back. Like you, I have less time now and a lot to navigate, but it’s worth it, seeing him so happy, and we don’t have any stress and worry anymore.
We did spend all summer de-schooling and focused on healing our school trauma (our boy’s and ours), and still taking it slow now, but I’m not worried at all. He was able to catch up a whole year in maths in just two months, even!!
I love, love, love hearing this! I've thought many times about homeschooling her and it still may happen. I don't think I could have done it when we lived in San Francisco...not enough space to be in the same home and learning all day! But now our living situation is easier and there are a lot of homeschool communities here. Thank you for the offer -- I may take you up on it someday. And I'm SO happy to hear you and your family are doing so well!
I wish we’d done it sooner, but I never thought that I could be a HE mum (I don’t have much patience and don’t do arts and crafts, etc., which was what most crunchy mums were doing in primary years. although give me theatre and music all day every day).
Anyway, this time we just had to; it was a matter of life or death, sadly 🤍 quite traumatic coming up to high school (in the UK, high school starts at 11 years old.. The educational system is even worse than the US).
Oh so good you have so many home-educating communities in San Diego!! Good to know! London is huge and even though there are a few, everyone is scattered and it’s hard to find HE friends. Tempted to start my own group...! 🙈
Yes, definitely get in touch ☺️ happy for a Zoom coffee one morning (my afternoon) ☺️ I will be at Jason’s graduate call tonight, as well, come say hello ☺️
Also, check Dr Naomi Fisher’s A Different Way to Learn, which is her second book - all about self directed learning and ND ☺️ She’s really good; really put my mind at ease 🩷
Her first book is good too, but you might find you’ve already read most of the sources she’s referencing, if you’re like me 🙈
Thank you for sharing your experience! Not quite the same but both of my children went to trade school and neither ended up in the program they started. But what we did know was that our local high school, while wonderful in lots of ways didn’t work for them. (We actually had middle school teachers tell us they didn’t know our daughter was Type 1 diabetic! 🫢😳🫣). I applaud your bravery and openness to listen to your daughter. Yay!
What’s up with us? We are going to be GRANDPARENTS in May! Happy happy!!!
Wishing you all the best as you enter this uncharted territory. Your post reminded me of a quote attributed to the poet Rumi:
“ As you start to walk on the way, the way appears. “
The world seems to be on fire, so I am grateful for the wisdom you share with us and I very much look forward to the January course that you and Jason will lead.
That's a beautiful quote. Going to hang on to it. I'm so glad you'll be there in January. It is shattering what's happening...it will feel good to focus on practicing together.
This is a wonderful update! And I’m so looking forward to the course. We moved our neurodiverse boys to a Montessori high school this year and they are thriving! They are tending chickens, pigs, goats, and bees. They are doing massive amounts of art. And they are HAPPY. I told my husband the other day that I have so much more time because all my kids are happy and enjoying school. It’s been a long road, but one that’s worth it to protect and support them as they grow in their unique ways. I echo the fears that the world isn’t shaped for people like them, but yes—there are non-traditional paths to success! So good to hear from you. Happy holidays to you and your family.
That school sounds amazing, Sarah. Wow, what a blessing to have them all enjoying it! I know how rare that can be. May it continue! Happy holidays to you and yours! XX
Since there wasn't an alternative choice for schools, I chose to homeschool. I couldn't imagine my kids thriving in the local school. We had chickens, ducks, bees and a huge garden. The outdoors became their classroom. The might not be able to recite back historical dates, but they are resourceful, bright and know who they are.
I have thought about homeschool a lot...might still be in the cards for us. Taking it semester by semester!
Thank you so much for sharing. I am deeply moved by this. It has been my journey and my daughters. Discovering her ADHD made me realized all my struggles growing up. I tear up thinking of all we are doing for our kids so they feel the "belonging" and how hard has been for the child in us navigating the world back then. Thank you for articulating this so well and clear. This letter will be shared with so many of my dear humans who are struggling with this. Happy Holidays
It's so hard to believe how little we knew about ADHD and autism as kids. It was really awful for us different ones. I hope that your discovery of diagnosis allows you to practice self-compassion for the child who was not seen or understood in the way she needed. Be tender with yourself. It can help over time.
Traditional education is certainly not for everyone … we have 5 adult children and each had a very different experience. As a former educator, I know for sure every single child is different in so many ways. My husband, a retired elementary school principal has always said we shouldn’t expect each child to be the same, learning in the same way at the same rate just like we shouldn’t expect all 4th graders to be 4 feet tall.
I have so much respect for educators who care about their individual kids. I can only imagine how hard it is to juggle so many different learners -- not the mention the parents! We are so lucky that we've found a principal who cares so much about his kids' overall well-being. It's a completely new experience for us.
Thank you for showing your vulnerability and honesty. It is incredibly challenging to even just raise a small human, and when you throw in a side dish of neurodivergent brains it’s a whole new deal! I, much like Jason was not diagnosed until adulthood....after our own struggles with our son and his neurodivergent brain. I can viscerally relate to your comment on sitting with your daughter pushing to get packets of homework done. Heartbreak doesn’t even describe how that feels.
I’m proud of you for finding her tools and advocating. I will say, I always question the accomodations, and at the end of the day I reflect on my own struggles and see that I am a yoga teacher, nutrition therapy practitioner and mama and none of that is a “normal” typical lifestyle and I am doing great!
Anyway!! So proud of you and Jason for advocating for her and for yourselves! Pretty amazing humans!
Learning to advocate for themselves is a wonderful lifelong skill.
Thanks, Darcy and I'm so glad you are doing great! Yes, the heartbreak of the pushing her into so many situations in the past...ugh. It's painful. I just keep thinking that I'm glad I know better now!
Brava, sissy! Soooo proud of you for listening to your gut and to Sofia, for not backing down and for sharing your journey. This is helping so many families! xx
😘😘😘 You've definitely led the way for me.
When I read your letter this month, I feel your looking into our home and describing what our few years have been like. I have stepped back, and surrendered to what education is "supposed" to look like for our daughter. I've made a conscious decision to have fun and chase our interests together with friends. I too get a nagging feeling sometimes of---is this enough? I breathe and say....she'll figure this out, trust the process, God's got this! and therefore, so does she! The sweetest Namaste!🙏
Glad to know we're in this together, Brinda ❤️
Oh Andrea, I’m so glad things are better now. It is hard to watch our kids struggle and making accommodations is the absolute right thing but then it’s so hard to not worry about the future, and well, my kids are big kids now, but I still have to work hard to remember that everything will be okay for them, even if they are not cookie-cutter kids. (Yeah, that was a run-on sentence but it is what my life feels like sometimes. I have to remember to pause to breathe.)
Wishing you, Jason and Sofia all the best during this holiday season. It is a lot for people whose nervous systems are wired with a need for rest. I hope you can find a good balance of fun and peace. xoxo
I now understand why parents say that, in a way, the worry never ends. You just love them so much!! I hope you get a lovely holiday respite, too, Barb!
Thank you for posting this. I think there needs to be more open conversation about neurodiversity and the gifts as well as the challenges that it can bring. I live in a household with 3 wonderful humans that are all trying to fit into this crazy place. My oldest son is 25 and slowly working his way through college. Most academic systems don't support different ways of learning and processing. It has been a long road, and he continues to amaze me with his confidence. My other son is trying to figure out his own path, but it's painful to watch when his differences hold him back from trying new things. We seem to live in a culture that supports kids and people that are able to fit in. People that don't question the old ways and refuse to be open to change. I applaud your ability to listen and support your child. Way to go! Keep fighting for her.
I agree that not "fitting in" is made so much more difficult by lack of understanding and support. I see more neurodiverse advocates shifting the level of understanding for the better...but not so much the support. I feel so fortunate that we have the means and time and find the right supports for her...and I worry for the kids who don't. Hoping that maybe in my next career iteration I can help do something about that. Sending you a big high five and a hug!!
Andrea- SOOOOO glad to hear things are better! Good for you for making that tough decision to do what needed to be done.
Thank you so very much, Chris ❤️
Loved this. Thanks for the authenticity. Taking a step back from life is sometimes all that we can do. The words will flow when they need to.
Andrea, thank you. So much of what your write resonated. It’s wonderful that you found the fit for your kiddo. We’re navigating neurodiversity with my little one who’s at a traditional school currently. I’m grateful that we live in a day in age that we have options for school and career that can be tailored to fit what we need to thrive.
Yes! You make a really good point. I've often felt grateful that there's such a better understanding of neurodiversity -- even in just 10 years. Wishing you and your little one the best. It feels like needs change each year so we're just taking it a year at a time.
Thanks so much for sharing your journey! I have a rising kindergartner who has been in a nature-based, play-based preschool where he thrives and I just can't bring myself to put him in the traditional education system. I can't see him sitting in a desk all day long with less than 30 minutes a day to go outside and play. Though I know my child *could* adapt to that system I want him to thrive as he is, not as society expects him to be. And I know deep down in my heart that though the world may be challenging for the kids who are different, it's the kids who are different that make the biggest difference :)
Oh I love that last sentence! That's a keeper.
So good to read this, Andrea 🩷 So glad your little girl is happy and thriving; such a relief for you all xxx
I hear and feel you 💯 re: neurodivergence and schooling. We’ve (our 12yo and moi) only recently been diagnosed with adhd (and I suspect our eldest is too, but he’s like me at school; it is easy to pick up what’s happening in class from the references, so we never suspected until now that we know more about it)
I subscribe to the theory that Hunters and Gatherers were truly neurodivergent (you need people to be up in the night to keep guard, to hear every sound in the forest for predators, etc.), and hence we are hunters trying to live in a Farmers’ world!
What I’ve also discovered is that once our needs are met, we are good 😌 (and mainstream schooling and a 9-5 job don’t meet our needs). We started home-educating our 12-year-old since last June and never looked back. Like you, I have less time now and a lot to navigate, but it’s worth it, seeing him so happy, and we don’t have any stress and worry anymore.
We did spend all summer de-schooling and focused on healing our school trauma (our boy’s and ours), and still taking it slow now, but I’m not worried at all. He was able to catch up a whole year in maths in just two months, even!!
Anyway, my inbox is always open ☺️🙏🏻
Love to you and Jason, and little S xxx
I love, love, love hearing this! I've thought many times about homeschooling her and it still may happen. I don't think I could have done it when we lived in San Francisco...not enough space to be in the same home and learning all day! But now our living situation is easier and there are a lot of homeschool communities here. Thank you for the offer -- I may take you up on it someday. And I'm SO happy to hear you and your family are doing so well!
I wish we’d done it sooner, but I never thought that I could be a HE mum (I don’t have much patience and don’t do arts and crafts, etc., which was what most crunchy mums were doing in primary years. although give me theatre and music all day every day).
Anyway, this time we just had to; it was a matter of life or death, sadly 🤍 quite traumatic coming up to high school (in the UK, high school starts at 11 years old.. The educational system is even worse than the US).
Oh so good you have so many home-educating communities in San Diego!! Good to know! London is huge and even though there are a few, everyone is scattered and it’s hard to find HE friends. Tempted to start my own group...! 🙈
Yes, definitely get in touch ☺️ happy for a Zoom coffee one morning (my afternoon) ☺️ I will be at Jason’s graduate call tonight, as well, come say hello ☺️
Love xx
Also, check Dr Naomi Fisher’s A Different Way to Learn, which is her second book - all about self directed learning and ND ☺️ She’s really good; really put my mind at ease 🩷
Her first book is good too, but you might find you’ve already read most of the sources she’s referencing, if you’re like me 🙈
Thank you for sharing your experience! Not quite the same but both of my children went to trade school and neither ended up in the program they started. But what we did know was that our local high school, while wonderful in lots of ways didn’t work for them. (We actually had middle school teachers tell us they didn’t know our daughter was Type 1 diabetic! 🫢😳🫣). I applaud your bravery and openness to listen to your daughter. Yay!
What’s up with us? We are going to be GRANDPARENTS in May! Happy happy!!!
Woohoo! Grandparents?! How exciting. Congratulations!!
Yes to all of it Andrea 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼. There is no one way/right way. Enjoy the journey ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨
Thanks, Andrea! 😘