Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Ivan Nahem's avatar

Lots of insight, as usual, thanks so much. So Andrea you chose a typically abysmally corny word (hope) for your key word and made it work. I feel like trying the same thing, so I’m gonna choose “smile”. I’ve always disliked false smiles (I think of my late mother in this regard, bless her), and the false optimism it can promote. I dislike when a yoga teacher tells the class to smile, it seems like forcing a mood on people. I’m comfortable with — no, actually a connoisseur of — the cynical, witty, even the sarcastic if it’s not hurtful. But here’s my argument for my word. First, I’m as vain as the next guy, of course, and from what I understand my face looks best when happy. This is also true of my wife, her face lights up (yes, I realize that’s a corny cliché, my hyper-sophisticated self has to add, but it’s true) with her smile, so I see that transformation in front of me fairly frequently, and that can remind me. Secondly, there’s the (rather yogic) principle that the mental state can be affected by the physical. Who doesn’t want to actually be more cheerful? And sometimes I find I need more outward enthusiasm in social situations, and remembering to conscript the muscles of my face in a smile might help out with that, although at the same time it can’t be entirely false, see above. I remember this past year I was back teaching a class after a few months away due to physical problems, and I was more nervous than usual, and I just told myself to smile more than usual. And that helped me relax, and of course I taught a good class — well, so I thought anyway — and that was probably the last group class I’ll ever teach, for various reasons, but I’m glad it’s a good memory. So there you have it — he said, with a smile.

Expand full comment
Sadie Wells's avatar

Happy New Year Andrea. So much of what you shared resonates, especially after just returning this morning from yet another appointment with my wonderful GP. With menopause my health anxiety is through the roof, I imagine every ache, lump and pain to be cancer, and I have no history, so it feels even more irrational. I also shared recently with my family (and myself) that this has to stop. I've found The Work with Byron Katie to be of enormous help — not only with anxiety but relationships and letting them go. Also this posted by a friend:

Let go of people who are not ready to love you.

This is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing.

Stop having difficult conversations with people who don't want to change.

Stop showing up for people who are not interested in your presence.

I know your instinct is to do everything possible to gain the appreciation of those around you, but it's an impulse that steals your time, energy, mental and physical health.

When you start fighting for a life with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to follow you to that place.

It doesn't mean you have to change who you are, it means you have to let go of people who aren't ready to be with you.

If you are excluded, insulted, forgotten or ignored by the people you give your time to, you are not doing yourself a favor by continuing to offer them your energy and your life.

Truth is you ain't for everybody and everybody ain't for you.

This is what makes it so special when you find people you have friendship with or mutual love.

You will know how precious it is because you have experienced what is not.

There are billions of people on this planet and many of them you will find at your level of interest and commitment.

Maybe if you stop showing up, they won't look for you.

Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship ends.

Maybe if you stop texting, your phone will stay dark for weeks.

That doesn't mean you ruined the relationship, it means the only thing sustaining it was the energy you only gave to keep it.

That's not love, that's attachment.

It's giving a chance to those who don't deserve it!

You deserve so much more.

The most valuable thing you have in your life is your time and energy, as both are limited.

The people and things you give your time and energy to, will define your existence.

When you realize this you start to understand why you are so anxious when you spend time with people, activities or spaces that don't suit you and shouldn't be near you.

You will start to realize that the most important thing you can do for yourself and everyone around you is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else.

Make your life a safe haven, where only people "compatible" with you are allowed.

You are not responsible for saving anyone.

You are not responsible for convincing them to do better.

It's not your job to exist for people and give them your life!

You deserve real friendships, true commitments and a complete love with healthy and prosperous people.

Decision to distance yourself from toxic people, will give you the love, esteem, happiness and protection you deserve.

I'm excited to catch up with both yourself and Jason for the upcoming reset. Boy, do I need it. Take care til then ❤️

Expand full comment
20 more comments...

No posts