Lots of insight, as usual, thanks so much. So Andrea you chose a typically abysmally corny word (hope) for your key word and made it work. I feel like trying the same thing, so I’m gonna choose “smile”. I’ve always disliked false smiles (I think of my late mother in this regard, bless her), and the false optimism it can promote. I dislike when a yoga teacher tells the class to smile, it seems like forcing a mood on people. I’m comfortable with — no, actually a connoisseur of — the cynical, witty, even the sarcastic if it’s not hurtful. But here’s my argument for my word. First, I’m as vain as the next guy, of course, and from what I understand my face looks best when happy. This is also true of my wife, her face lights up (yes, I realize that’s a corny cliché, my hyper-sophisticated self has to add, but it’s true) with her smile, so I see that transformation in front of me fairly frequently, and that can remind me. Secondly, there’s the (rather yogic) principle that the mental state can be affected by the physical. Who doesn’t want to actually be more cheerful? And sometimes I find I need more outward enthusiasm in social situations, and remembering to conscript the muscles of my face in a smile might help out with that, although at the same time it can’t be entirely false, see above. I remember this past year I was back teaching a class after a few months away due to physical problems, and I was more nervous than usual, and I just told myself to smile more than usual. And that helped me relax, and of course I taught a good class — well, so I thought anyway — and that was probably the last group class I’ll ever teach, for various reasons, but I’m glad it’s a good memory. So there you have it — he said, with a smile.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who chose a corny word -- and you made it work, too! Just the other day Jason and I did a podcast the other day where we talked about how irksome it is when yoga teachers ask us to smile in the middle of class, so I smiled for sure when you mention it. (See what I did there? 😜) I think you've really hit on something, though, that our outer expression can help coax us into a more optimistic place. I never would've believed it when I was younger, just like I never would have chosen the word "hope." Happy New Year, Ivan!
Happy New Year to you and yours! Yeah, that's a fascinating human trait, that we can fake it till we make it, more or less. There’s a study Malcolm Gladwell describes, and I’ve sometimes told this story in teacher training, in which Paul Ekman and Wallace Friesen were categorizing expressions. So for periods of time they would move certain muscles on their faces to correspond to moods, and they found to their astonishment that when they were doing, say, expressions of anguish, after a time they became anguished; in other words, after pretending an emotion on their faces, the emotion sank in and became real. You can read more about it here if you like, starting with the last paragraph on page 9:
So maybe one can connect this to our practice. Perhaps if we are feeling the beauty and strength of, say, Virabhadrasana II, perhaps that strength can influence the mind and one actually experiences that strength. Maybe this principle works with the expressions of the body as well. Iyengar talks about this, too. Anyway, food for thought.
Happy New Year Andrea. So much of what you shared resonates, especially after just returning this morning from yet another appointment with my wonderful GP. With menopause my health anxiety is through the roof, I imagine every ache, lump and pain to be cancer, and I have no history, so it feels even more irrational. I also shared recently with my family (and myself) that this has to stop. I've found The Work with Byron Katie to be of enormous help — not only with anxiety but relationships and letting them go. Also this posted by a friend:
Let go of people who are not ready to love you.
This is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing.
Stop having difficult conversations with people who don't want to change.
Stop showing up for people who are not interested in your presence.
I know your instinct is to do everything possible to gain the appreciation of those around you, but it's an impulse that steals your time, energy, mental and physical health.
When you start fighting for a life with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to follow you to that place.
It doesn't mean you have to change who you are, it means you have to let go of people who aren't ready to be with you.
If you are excluded, insulted, forgotten or ignored by the people you give your time to, you are not doing yourself a favor by continuing to offer them your energy and your life.
Truth is you ain't for everybody and everybody ain't for you.
This is what makes it so special when you find people you have friendship with or mutual love.
You will know how precious it is because you have experienced what is not.
There are billions of people on this planet and many of them you will find at your level of interest and commitment.
Maybe if you stop showing up, they won't look for you.
Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship ends.
Maybe if you stop texting, your phone will stay dark for weeks.
That doesn't mean you ruined the relationship, it means the only thing sustaining it was the energy you only gave to keep it.
That's not love, that's attachment.
It's giving a chance to those who don't deserve it!
You deserve so much more.
The most valuable thing you have in your life is your time and energy, as both are limited.
The people and things you give your time and energy to, will define your existence.
When you realize this you start to understand why you are so anxious when you spend time with people, activities or spaces that don't suit you and shouldn't be near you.
You will start to realize that the most important thing you can do for yourself and everyone around you is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else.
Make your life a safe haven, where only people "compatible" with you are allowed.
You are not responsible for saving anyone.
You are not responsible for convincing them to do better.
It's not your job to exist for people and give them your life!
You deserve real friendships, true commitments and a complete love with healthy and prosperous people.
Decision to distance yourself from toxic people, will give you the love, esteem, happiness and protection you deserve.
I'm excited to catch up with both yourself and Jason for the upcoming reset. Boy, do I need it. Take care til then ❤️
I'm so glad you will be there, Sadie! I hear you on the menopause anxiety -- it is no joke and not irrational at all. Wouldn't it be freaking amazing if we knew more about it? It's irrational that we don't! Anyhoo -- I like the reminder that you posted, especially: Truth is you aint for everybody and everybody ain't for you! A really good one, for our kids, too.
Thankfully Andrea, it appears the world is slowly catching up to our menopause plight. The lack of financial support when it comes to women's health I've also found confronting (viagra anyone?!) But I'm truly comforted by "the voice" we're finding and confident things will be so much better for our daughters. I'm lucky my GP has made a point of being well versed on the topic, and hugely helpful with my HRT journey. I didn't realise by sharing my experience with my students that so many were struggling, not being taken seriously and misdiagnosed. One student told me she later changed to my GP after realising perhaps the antidepressants she was on, were prescribed in error (I have nothing against these meds, when needed) and another shared that her GP requested she find another doctor, as he was sick of hearing about it (!!) Many more stories like these, so I continued to share my story and have become quite passionate about the topic. Hence the lengthy messages! Going now!
Happy New Year! Your posts are wonderful! I have two words for my 2024 “try again!” as in: to understand, to listen well, to forgive, to love, to make a friend, to be patient, to learn, to be kind, and to handstand.
What a great reflection, Andrea. Thank you for your authenticity in sharing. I’m celebrating with you! I always choose a word (or rather the word chooses me!) and for 2024, it’s “wild.” Curious and eager to find out what that means, predicting it’s more about nature and true Self than a return to my early 20s behavior! 😂 So grateful for a window into your world and your ongoing encouragement for us to be our whole selves, too. Happy New Year! 🥳
WILD is a great word to have chosen you!! I love it and can't wait to see how it unfolds for you. I like how you said it chose you, too. That's how I always feel. It's such a cool thing when it happens! Thank you for the kind words, Sarah. So happy to still be in touch and hear how you are doing.
Happy new year! I love reading your reflections. They always to beautifully put into words many of the themes and life lessons that I find myself thinking about. Thank you for that. Your honesty and generosity never fails to help me feel less alone. What a gift!
I’m still finding the right word but what keeps coming up for me is “live”. Less achieving, more presence. More savoring. That feels right.
My January was so jam-packed (Char played Jean ValJean in Les Mis and I held my first, successful live event for perimenopause education), that my new year, at least in terms of reflections, is beginning now on the first day of February. I woke up early and opened this post from you, Andrea, and it was the perfect place to start, especially the day after the end of the new year training that you and Jason provided. That training anchored me through a hectic month. Huge thanks! You've provided some good reminders here of the importance of slowing down and the compassion necessary to do that. It's funny you use the word "balm" because that's the word I'd use to describe you, your content, your podcast, your meditations, your presence always feel like a balm to me. My word for this year needs to be "joy." I agree with you that it is undervalued and under-felt. I wonder if all people raised on productivity and achievement feel guilty when feeling joy, or if it's just me. I'm slowly letting go of the guilt to find more access to joy and when I need more permission I look to the miraculous Andrea Gibson. One last thing, thank you for sharing so intimately the importance of communicating when we're struggling rather than choosing to isolate. It brought me much hope to witness through your personal story the attunement and trust possible between two people when we're brave enough to let ourselves be known. Feeling fully blessed for the community you create! Oh gosh, this turned into such a love fest. I must be feeling the 14th already! <3 (I'm not getting fresh. That's supposed to be a heart!)
I was so happy to see your face on the calls, Nancy. Jason has talked about you over the years and it was very nice to feel like I got to know you more! You can love-fest all over me anytime -- when I am writing/sharing or on the calls I am at my most lovey. It does just feel good to be in community with you all and the love-fest feelings are reciprocated for sure :)
I wondered if that link would work again and something did. Happiest of New Years to you. I understand about being frightened every time there is an ache or pain after a cancer diagnosis. Cancer is frightening. Please be gentle with yourself and good for you for staying healthy and deciding to feel more confident about your health. I applaud your courage in stepping back when you needed to. You modeled that beautifully for me. I admire your giving yourself time to rest and not push yourself so hard. Maybe I will learn those lessons for myself one day. I am able to let go of one of my responsibilities this year (doing the books for my husband's business that is closing as he is retiring). I am very much looking forward to letting that go! Maybe let go of trying to always improve myself and let myself be. I want to love myself and everyone more this year. Looking forward to the course next week.
Thanks for this kind message, Joan. I'm inspired by your "love myself and everyone more this year." It was nice to put a face to the name on the call today!
Lots of insight, as usual, thanks so much. So Andrea you chose a typically abysmally corny word (hope) for your key word and made it work. I feel like trying the same thing, so I’m gonna choose “smile”. I’ve always disliked false smiles (I think of my late mother in this regard, bless her), and the false optimism it can promote. I dislike when a yoga teacher tells the class to smile, it seems like forcing a mood on people. I’m comfortable with — no, actually a connoisseur of — the cynical, witty, even the sarcastic if it’s not hurtful. But here’s my argument for my word. First, I’m as vain as the next guy, of course, and from what I understand my face looks best when happy. This is also true of my wife, her face lights up (yes, I realize that’s a corny cliché, my hyper-sophisticated self has to add, but it’s true) with her smile, so I see that transformation in front of me fairly frequently, and that can remind me. Secondly, there’s the (rather yogic) principle that the mental state can be affected by the physical. Who doesn’t want to actually be more cheerful? And sometimes I find I need more outward enthusiasm in social situations, and remembering to conscript the muscles of my face in a smile might help out with that, although at the same time it can’t be entirely false, see above. I remember this past year I was back teaching a class after a few months away due to physical problems, and I was more nervous than usual, and I just told myself to smile more than usual. And that helped me relax, and of course I taught a good class — well, so I thought anyway — and that was probably the last group class I’ll ever teach, for various reasons, but I’m glad it’s a good memory. So there you have it — he said, with a smile.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who chose a corny word -- and you made it work, too! Just the other day Jason and I did a podcast the other day where we talked about how irksome it is when yoga teachers ask us to smile in the middle of class, so I smiled for sure when you mention it. (See what I did there? 😜) I think you've really hit on something, though, that our outer expression can help coax us into a more optimistic place. I never would've believed it when I was younger, just like I never would have chosen the word "hope." Happy New Year, Ivan!
Happy New Year to you and yours! Yeah, that's a fascinating human trait, that we can fake it till we make it, more or less. There’s a study Malcolm Gladwell describes, and I’ve sometimes told this story in teacher training, in which Paul Ekman and Wallace Friesen were categorizing expressions. So for periods of time they would move certain muscles on their faces to correspond to moods, and they found to their astonishment that when they were doing, say, expressions of anguish, after a time they became anguished; in other words, after pretending an emotion on their faces, the emotion sank in and became real. You can read more about it here if you like, starting with the last paragraph on page 9:
https://www.sas.upenn.edu/~cavitch/pdf-library/Gladwell_NakedFace.pdf
So maybe one can connect this to our practice. Perhaps if we are feeling the beauty and strength of, say, Virabhadrasana II, perhaps that strength can influence the mind and one actually experiences that strength. Maybe this principle works with the expressions of the body as well. Iyengar talks about this, too. Anyway, food for thought.
Happy New Year Andrea. So much of what you shared resonates, especially after just returning this morning from yet another appointment with my wonderful GP. With menopause my health anxiety is through the roof, I imagine every ache, lump and pain to be cancer, and I have no history, so it feels even more irrational. I also shared recently with my family (and myself) that this has to stop. I've found The Work with Byron Katie to be of enormous help — not only with anxiety but relationships and letting them go. Also this posted by a friend:
Let go of people who are not ready to love you.
This is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing.
Stop having difficult conversations with people who don't want to change.
Stop showing up for people who are not interested in your presence.
I know your instinct is to do everything possible to gain the appreciation of those around you, but it's an impulse that steals your time, energy, mental and physical health.
When you start fighting for a life with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to follow you to that place.
It doesn't mean you have to change who you are, it means you have to let go of people who aren't ready to be with you.
If you are excluded, insulted, forgotten or ignored by the people you give your time to, you are not doing yourself a favor by continuing to offer them your energy and your life.
Truth is you ain't for everybody and everybody ain't for you.
This is what makes it so special when you find people you have friendship with or mutual love.
You will know how precious it is because you have experienced what is not.
There are billions of people on this planet and many of them you will find at your level of interest and commitment.
Maybe if you stop showing up, they won't look for you.
Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship ends.
Maybe if you stop texting, your phone will stay dark for weeks.
That doesn't mean you ruined the relationship, it means the only thing sustaining it was the energy you only gave to keep it.
That's not love, that's attachment.
It's giving a chance to those who don't deserve it!
You deserve so much more.
The most valuable thing you have in your life is your time and energy, as both are limited.
The people and things you give your time and energy to, will define your existence.
When you realize this you start to understand why you are so anxious when you spend time with people, activities or spaces that don't suit you and shouldn't be near you.
You will start to realize that the most important thing you can do for yourself and everyone around you is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else.
Make your life a safe haven, where only people "compatible" with you are allowed.
You are not responsible for saving anyone.
You are not responsible for convincing them to do better.
It's not your job to exist for people and give them your life!
You deserve real friendships, true commitments and a complete love with healthy and prosperous people.
Decision to distance yourself from toxic people, will give you the love, esteem, happiness and protection you deserve.
I'm excited to catch up with both yourself and Jason for the upcoming reset. Boy, do I need it. Take care til then ❤️
I'm so glad you will be there, Sadie! I hear you on the menopause anxiety -- it is no joke and not irrational at all. Wouldn't it be freaking amazing if we knew more about it? It's irrational that we don't! Anyhoo -- I like the reminder that you posted, especially: Truth is you aint for everybody and everybody ain't for you! A really good one, for our kids, too.
Thankfully Andrea, it appears the world is slowly catching up to our menopause plight. The lack of financial support when it comes to women's health I've also found confronting (viagra anyone?!) But I'm truly comforted by "the voice" we're finding and confident things will be so much better for our daughters. I'm lucky my GP has made a point of being well versed on the topic, and hugely helpful with my HRT journey. I didn't realise by sharing my experience with my students that so many were struggling, not being taken seriously and misdiagnosed. One student told me she later changed to my GP after realising perhaps the antidepressants she was on, were prescribed in error (I have nothing against these meds, when needed) and another shared that her GP requested she find another doctor, as he was sick of hearing about it (!!) Many more stories like these, so I continued to share my story and have become quite passionate about the topic. Hence the lengthy messages! Going now!
Happy New Year! Your posts are wonderful! I have two words for my 2024 “try again!” as in: to understand, to listen well, to forgive, to love, to make a friend, to be patient, to learn, to be kind, and to handstand.
Love, love, love this Marina! I'm going to tuck it in my own back pocket!
What a great reflection, Andrea. Thank you for your authenticity in sharing. I’m celebrating with you! I always choose a word (or rather the word chooses me!) and for 2024, it’s “wild.” Curious and eager to find out what that means, predicting it’s more about nature and true Self than a return to my early 20s behavior! 😂 So grateful for a window into your world and your ongoing encouragement for us to be our whole selves, too. Happy New Year! 🥳
WILD is a great word to have chosen you!! I love it and can't wait to see how it unfolds for you. I like how you said it chose you, too. That's how I always feel. It's such a cool thing when it happens! Thank you for the kind words, Sarah. So happy to still be in touch and hear how you are doing.
Happy new year! I love reading your reflections. They always to beautifully put into words many of the themes and life lessons that I find myself thinking about. Thank you for that. Your honesty and generosity never fails to help me feel less alone. What a gift!
I’m still finding the right word but what keeps coming up for me is “live”. Less achieving, more presence. More savoring. That feels right.
I'm so glad to hear that my words help you feel less alone. That fills me with happiness. More savoring sounds delicious :)
My January was so jam-packed (Char played Jean ValJean in Les Mis and I held my first, successful live event for perimenopause education), that my new year, at least in terms of reflections, is beginning now on the first day of February. I woke up early and opened this post from you, Andrea, and it was the perfect place to start, especially the day after the end of the new year training that you and Jason provided. That training anchored me through a hectic month. Huge thanks! You've provided some good reminders here of the importance of slowing down and the compassion necessary to do that. It's funny you use the word "balm" because that's the word I'd use to describe you, your content, your podcast, your meditations, your presence always feel like a balm to me. My word for this year needs to be "joy." I agree with you that it is undervalued and under-felt. I wonder if all people raised on productivity and achievement feel guilty when feeling joy, or if it's just me. I'm slowly letting go of the guilt to find more access to joy and when I need more permission I look to the miraculous Andrea Gibson. One last thing, thank you for sharing so intimately the importance of communicating when we're struggling rather than choosing to isolate. It brought me much hope to witness through your personal story the attunement and trust possible between two people when we're brave enough to let ourselves be known. Feeling fully blessed for the community you create! Oh gosh, this turned into such a love fest. I must be feeling the 14th already! <3 (I'm not getting fresh. That's supposed to be a heart!)
I was so happy to see your face on the calls, Nancy. Jason has talked about you over the years and it was very nice to feel like I got to know you more! You can love-fest all over me anytime -- when I am writing/sharing or on the calls I am at my most lovey. It does just feel good to be in community with you all and the love-fest feelings are reciprocated for sure :)
I did Daya’s workshop too after hearing her on the podcast and loved it. Thank you.
I'm so glad you did the workshop! She is so sharp. And lovely!
I wondered if that link would work again and something did. Happiest of New Years to you. I understand about being frightened every time there is an ache or pain after a cancer diagnosis. Cancer is frightening. Please be gentle with yourself and good for you for staying healthy and deciding to feel more confident about your health. I applaud your courage in stepping back when you needed to. You modeled that beautifully for me. I admire your giving yourself time to rest and not push yourself so hard. Maybe I will learn those lessons for myself one day. I am able to let go of one of my responsibilities this year (doing the books for my husband's business that is closing as he is retiring). I am very much looking forward to letting that go! Maybe let go of trying to always improve myself and let myself be. I want to love myself and everyone more this year. Looking forward to the course next week.
Thanks for this kind message, Joan. I'm inspired by your "love myself and everyone more this year." It was nice to put a face to the name on the call today!
Happy New Year!!! Thanks for sharing.🩷
Happy New Year, Jennifer!
So happy to hear you made the 10 year mark - a great milestone!
Thanks so much -- not quite there yet! It'll be 10 years in September, just in time for Jason's 50th. Which means a celebration might be in order!