Here's to not knowing what 2025 will bring

and embracing "don't know" mind

For the past few weeks, I’ve been getting a lot of questions about homeschooling my daughter. It’s all been well-intentioned, but it’s made me uncomfortable. “How are you sure that she’s learning all the subjects? Are you worried she’s not getting enough socialization? When do you think she’ll go back to ‘real school?’”

I actually said to one friend, “Can we just not talk about school right now?” Because, if you’re not a homeschooler and you start really talking about homeschool and how different the learning looks and how much you currently think ‘real school’ kinda sucks for most kids, it’s often just too much for people.

Also, this is all very new to me — conceptually, emotionally, logistically — homeschool is new. So, do I have great answers to these questions? Nope nope nope. I really do not. I have no idea if she’s “learning enough,” or if she “should” have more friends. And I’m certainly not homeschooling her while counting down the days until I can shove her back into an environment that didn’t work for her neurotype.

After walking around for a few days feeling a bit pissy about the barrage of questions and maybe even worried about the not knowing, I remembered the concept of “don’t know mind” aka “resting in uncertainty” aka one of the most liberating teachings from the wisdom traditions of yoga and Buddhism.

What is don’t know mind? It’s the practice of embracing the reality that WE. DON’T. KNOW. As humans (especially those of us who cope with anxiety), we often convince ourselves that we know what will happen if we do “all the right things.” The opposite is true, too, for anxious types — we know something bad could happen if we don’t do all the right things! It’s exhausting, really.

Fortunately, the reality is simple and inarguable: We don’t know what will happen. We have no idea. Embracing this can be freeing. If I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, then all I can do is focus on right now. E.g, if I have no idea if Sofia will go back to “real school,” or go to college or if she will ever enjoy reading fiction, then all I can do is focus on now: Homeschool is a good fit. She’s bright and college may or may not work for her. Audio books are fine for now.

For me, don’t know mind makes me more curious about how to cope and respond with what’s in front of me. It makes me feel more open and it helps my mind to rest, because I’m not trying to wrestle the future into something I cannot, in fact, control.

As I look forward to 2025, I’m feeling like “don’t know mind” could be a healthy, open-minded approach. I love to plan and think about the year to come — will we go back to London? Will I go to a concert with my sister and visit my girlfriends on the east coast? I set very loose “goals” the older I get. But remembering don’t know mind feels both cozy and exciting at the same time? Cozy because it releases the pressure I put on myself. And exciting because…Wow! A new year is once again upon us! What an adventure…who knows what’s to come? We’ll have to live it to see.

Did this resonate? What are your thoughts as we embark on a new year?