I went to public school and all I got from it was crippling anxiety and no idea how to navigate the world. I was bullied by students and teachers through every grade.
A lot of the smartest, kindest and empathetic people I’ve met have been home schooled!
I'm so sorry you had to endure bullying. I was really badly bullied in 7th-8th grade and NEVER told my parents. Ugh. So...yeah, it's pretty awful. I don't think I acknowledged how long it stayed with me until the past few years.
I was miserable in high school, even though by all appearances, I was not I was a cheerleader girlfriend of the captain. The football team played field hockey. It was so miserable by the mean girls that I graduated halfway through my senior year and went and was a nanny in New York City. Your daughter can socialize in other ways like activities that she would normally do outside of school whether it’s a dance class music lessons a sport I wouldn’t have wanted to be homeschooled because my relationship with my mother would’ve driven me crazy we all follow a path that leads us to where we are supposed to go
This resonates on both levels—the don’t know mindset and the exhaustion that goes into deciding the best education fit for your child. We’re currently trying to decide where to send my son to school and are very blessed to live in an area that has many non-traditional options. But it’s still a stressful experience. I’m falling back on a similar affirmation for this year—I feel at peace with where I am in this moment. It reminds me to stay present, embrace challenge and difficulty and stress but also peace, and let go of the past and future. All we can do is what is right in front of us. Best of luck to you and Sofia in your journey! I
Thanks for this insightful piece Andrea…..such a great reminder for us all. Few things make us more vulnerable than parenting, and unfortunately that invites a lot of judgement. You’re a brave mom to follow your instincts with your daughter, and I hope you stay strong! All the best to you and your family in the New Year!
“It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.” –L.R. Knost
I was also bullied in school. I did eventually gain some skills to deal with this, but it wasn't fun.
I LOVE this. I wish more parents could be liberated by this quote. There is SO MUCH pressure put on parents in so many ways, and one of the ways is that trope of getting them ready for the 'real world.' But, as you say, school is not the real world -- it's more like prison for a lot of kids.
“It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.” –L.R. Knost
I was homeschooled for first through third grade. It provided me with an incredibly solid foundation to combat the experience of being placed back in traditional school for the fourth grade, a traumatic and confusing experience. I was lucky that my mom found an open area, more unconventional setting for fifth through seventh grade. My parents' more creative outlook and acceptance of my uniqueness bolstered me to develop strength to endure the social and academic norms of a traditional school setting. Luckily, academics came easily to me and I was able to jump hoops by clinging to achievement.
If I had been able to homeschool my own kids, I would have done it in a heartbeat. Ironically, I was busy earning my living as a public school teacher and didn't have the time or resources to make that happen. But my own children gave me an education that helped me become a much better teacher for my students.
I love the idea of an "I don't know" mind. You are equipping Sofia with the tools to thrive in the real world. School is not the real world, in my opinion, and certainly isn't the right setting for all learning styles or children. When I started teaching in Canada in 1987, we taught children. Now, especially here in the US, we teach curriculum and focus on data. That has left many teachers feeling frustrated and disempowered, in my opinion. I certainly witnessed a disconcerting shift during my 30 years in the classroom.
You will have more time to focus on your daughter's strengths and interests and to create a sense of safety for her during this vulnerable time in her life. You will have the ability to tailor her learning to develop resiliency and confidence. You will find ways to present challenges to her that allow her to show you what she knows in unique and wonderful ways. I am so excited for you and your daughter!
Our children aren't cookie cutter shapes to be shoved into slots. By rising to the challenge of sharing your wisdom with your daughter and allowing her to thrive in the comfort of her safe space, your family home, you will be scaffolding her journey to thriving in the spaces outside the home, successful and supported.
Gosh thank you for this. Your excitement reminded me of my excitement! Since I was "successful" at school academically, I've had to unlearn/relearn to reframe things. Through this whole process I've realized that most people (myself included) truly learn things when we're actually interested in them! Most things I learned in school, my mind threw away the moment the semester was done. College was different because I loved my major...but it was more about learning the critical thinking skills than anything. I hope that we can spark some academic interest (and confidence) in her because I want her to feel empowered and like she has choices...but I keep telling myself one day at a time.
Just sayin', it's so fine to hear a school teacher distill and present this intense wisdom. It seems such a shame that such low values (curriculum, data overdrive) are ubiquitous in how we approach educating the coming generations. Eloquently put, thanks.
I immensely feel so very similar. We homeschool our daughter who's in 7th grade. We take each day at a time. We do love the flexibility and giving her life skills along with the knowledge she'll need when she's ready to fly the nest. Who knows if she'll go to college or not...my end game is to rear an emotionally intelligent, kind, spiritually connected human who knows her strengths. In the meantime, we love hiking, doing yoga, &martial arts, throwing pottery and discussing our favorite books. I've given my teaching yoga a backseat for a bit teaching only at homeschool co ops when I'm free. It's a beautiful life we've created together.
She'll fly the nest soon enough! I want these last few years to be filled with my influences, and her one or two closer friends.
I love this so much. I often feel so grateful that our kid even wants her parent's influence at this point. Cherishing it. Also always glad to connect with other moms in similar situations. 💗
I love your approach to all the things around planning/not planning, wondering if you are doing it right/or not, and the decision to "let them". I can't offer any insights on your homeschooling decision but it certainly sounds like a wonderful, loving, interesting way to nurture what is best for your daughter. I have just listened to a podcast featuring Mel Robbins discussing her new book and the "Let them" theory and it sounds like you are well aligned with it. I haven't read the book yet but I like the approach. And yes, cheers to not knowing what 2025 will bring!!
Yes to all of these. I love the idea of co-creation...hadn't framed it that way. And I am with you on socialization -- there was so much expectation and forced socialization in my upbringing. Looking back, I don't think it was always such a great thing. I ignored a lot of my own inner compass. I've unlearned that tendency by watching Jason who has never, ever apologized for being at home on a Saturday night with a good book; in bed by 9pm. And it's been really nice to not pressure Sofia around socializing, "friend groups," etc. She mostly wants to be with us and a few other people and that's more than OK. All the best to you and yours, Corie.
I love this perspective and know how much those well meaning comments can derail you. I’m a student of Jason’s, so I know that we share many experiences since our kids were born. I’m the same age as you and had breast cancer the year after my son was born. My son is also neurodivergent and I have had similar struggles. This year, I am done with everyone’s advice too. I feel as though I have been getting unsolicited advice my whole life and it has done nothing but made me second guess myself. The level dramatically increased with breast cancer and parenting. I applaud you and am grateful for your voice. You are helping all of us to feel seen and stand up for our choices.
Wow...we are on similar journeys! I am here supporting you in being done with others' advice and listening to your inner voice. It's not always easy, but I like imagining an invisible web of support that we can give each other!
I learned that mostly people were threatened by anything different than what they knew when they questioned me with harshness. Like with breastfeeding, baby carrying, homeschooling, home birthing etc... but family.. family is important. And being a mother is important and one mantra that kept me going for so many years was..."it's not about me."
I recently lost both my adult children. I am raising my grandson. I have had to give completely to I Have absolutely no idea what will happen. I try daily to lean into the unknown. And I try to do my best knowing that the results all unknown. Will try as long as I breathe. Thank you for the message.
Kathryn, how hard to lose your adult children. I'm so sorry. I'm so glad your grandson has you. Yes to breathing and leaning into the unknown. Sending you much love!
I have three children- I homeschooled my girls as long as I could. One is doctor in the Navy the other is an artist in Chicago. My son did not home school and he’s in college now trying to sort out what he wants to do. They all had a different “fit” in life. Keep going. You are doing the right thing.
The story you told on Yogaish about jumping in the car, going to the beach, and seeing her come alive running there -- I mean, that's what trad schooling leaves out, even discourages. That family story just nailed it, that you are definitely on the right path with her! And if anyone pokes at you with well-meaning questioning, they can bugger off! And a huge yes to future agnosticism, entirely with you there.
There are always hidden gifts and one of the gifts of having a kid who can’t jive with trad schooling is it reminds ME to have these moments ya know? I think I’m so mindful and then…yeah wow she brings me back to wonder ❤️
Thanks for sharing this deeply personal post. I've been circling around ideas for a theme for myself in 2025. Embracing a don't know mind and exploring that teaching feels relevant and needed. Thank you for reminding me of it.
Love the mind set Andrea! 💜 There are so, so many irons in the fire going into 2025 for both me and my husband and taking the “don’t know” approach truly does seem to be the best path right now. I don’t know, nor can I control what will do will not happen. The intentions are clear and set and how ever the chips fall, I’m here for it! Great read and wishing you all the best in 2025!
PS: Really enjoying the addition of the Yogaish podcasts - keep them coming!
I went to public school and all I got from it was crippling anxiety and no idea how to navigate the world. I was bullied by students and teachers through every grade.
A lot of the smartest, kindest and empathetic people I’ve met have been home schooled!
I'm so sorry you had to endure bullying. I was really badly bullied in 7th-8th grade and NEVER told my parents. Ugh. So...yeah, it's pretty awful. I don't think I acknowledged how long it stayed with me until the past few years.
I was miserable in high school, even though by all appearances, I was not I was a cheerleader girlfriend of the captain. The football team played field hockey. It was so miserable by the mean girls that I graduated halfway through my senior year and went and was a nanny in New York City. Your daughter can socialize in other ways like activities that she would normally do outside of school whether it’s a dance class music lessons a sport I wouldn’t have wanted to be homeschooled because my relationship with my mother would’ve driven me crazy we all follow a path that leads us to where we are supposed to go
Good for you for getting out when you needed to! Those are some survival skills 👍🏽
We started many clubs and now don't do so much. But being social can be overrated if that is not your thing.
I am so sorry that happened to you.
NYC public school was full of fear for me and a lot of navigating over categorizing of what intelligence means.
I am glad to see you here and so supportive!
This resonates on both levels—the don’t know mindset and the exhaustion that goes into deciding the best education fit for your child. We’re currently trying to decide where to send my son to school and are very blessed to live in an area that has many non-traditional options. But it’s still a stressful experience. I’m falling back on a similar affirmation for this year—I feel at peace with where I am in this moment. It reminds me to stay present, embrace challenge and difficulty and stress but also peace, and let go of the past and future. All we can do is what is right in front of us. Best of luck to you and Sofia in your journey! I
Thank you so much, Ashley. And I wish you the very best figuring it out for your son, too. I love your affirmation and will keep it in my back pocket!
Thanks for this insightful piece Andrea…..such a great reminder for us all. Few things make us more vulnerable than parenting, and unfortunately that invites a lot of judgement. You’re a brave mom to follow your instincts with your daughter, and I hope you stay strong! All the best to you and your family in the New Year!
Thank you so much! That means a lot. Happy New Year to you!
Another thought...I just ran into this quote:
“It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.” –L.R. Knost
I was also bullied in school. I did eventually gain some skills to deal with this, but it wasn't fun.
I LOVE this. I wish more parents could be liberated by this quote. There is SO MUCH pressure put on parents in so many ways, and one of the ways is that trope of getting them ready for the 'real world.' But, as you say, school is not the real world -- it's more like prison for a lot of kids.
“It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.” –L.R. Knost
That is an amazing quote!
I was homeschooled for first through third grade. It provided me with an incredibly solid foundation to combat the experience of being placed back in traditional school for the fourth grade, a traumatic and confusing experience. I was lucky that my mom found an open area, more unconventional setting for fifth through seventh grade. My parents' more creative outlook and acceptance of my uniqueness bolstered me to develop strength to endure the social and academic norms of a traditional school setting. Luckily, academics came easily to me and I was able to jump hoops by clinging to achievement.
If I had been able to homeschool my own kids, I would have done it in a heartbeat. Ironically, I was busy earning my living as a public school teacher and didn't have the time or resources to make that happen. But my own children gave me an education that helped me become a much better teacher for my students.
I love the idea of an "I don't know" mind. You are equipping Sofia with the tools to thrive in the real world. School is not the real world, in my opinion, and certainly isn't the right setting for all learning styles or children. When I started teaching in Canada in 1987, we taught children. Now, especially here in the US, we teach curriculum and focus on data. That has left many teachers feeling frustrated and disempowered, in my opinion. I certainly witnessed a disconcerting shift during my 30 years in the classroom.
You will have more time to focus on your daughter's strengths and interests and to create a sense of safety for her during this vulnerable time in her life. You will have the ability to tailor her learning to develop resiliency and confidence. You will find ways to present challenges to her that allow her to show you what she knows in unique and wonderful ways. I am so excited for you and your daughter!
Our children aren't cookie cutter shapes to be shoved into slots. By rising to the challenge of sharing your wisdom with your daughter and allowing her to thrive in the comfort of her safe space, your family home, you will be scaffolding her journey to thriving in the spaces outside the home, successful and supported.
Gosh thank you for this. Your excitement reminded me of my excitement! Since I was "successful" at school academically, I've had to unlearn/relearn to reframe things. Through this whole process I've realized that most people (myself included) truly learn things when we're actually interested in them! Most things I learned in school, my mind threw away the moment the semester was done. College was different because I loved my major...but it was more about learning the critical thinking skills than anything. I hope that we can spark some academic interest (and confidence) in her because I want her to feel empowered and like she has choices...but I keep telling myself one day at a time.
Just sayin', it's so fine to hear a school teacher distill and present this intense wisdom. It seems such a shame that such low values (curriculum, data overdrive) are ubiquitous in how we approach educating the coming generations. Eloquently put, thanks.
Andrea and Jason,
In my college days at the University of Colorado in Boulder, I woke up every morning thinking “who knows
Who I may meet today?” There is joy in not knowing , full of magical possibilities. Alison
Oh Andrea,
I immensely feel so very similar. We homeschool our daughter who's in 7th grade. We take each day at a time. We do love the flexibility and giving her life skills along with the knowledge she'll need when she's ready to fly the nest. Who knows if she'll go to college or not...my end game is to rear an emotionally intelligent, kind, spiritually connected human who knows her strengths. In the meantime, we love hiking, doing yoga, &martial arts, throwing pottery and discussing our favorite books. I've given my teaching yoga a backseat for a bit teaching only at homeschool co ops when I'm free. It's a beautiful life we've created together.
She'll fly the nest soon enough! I want these last few years to be filled with my influences, and her one or two closer friends.
❤️🙏
I love this so much. I often feel so grateful that our kid even wants her parent's influence at this point. Cherishing it. Also always glad to connect with other moms in similar situations. 💗
I love your approach to all the things around planning/not planning, wondering if you are doing it right/or not, and the decision to "let them". I can't offer any insights on your homeschooling decision but it certainly sounds like a wonderful, loving, interesting way to nurture what is best for your daughter. I have just listened to a podcast featuring Mel Robbins discussing her new book and the "Let them" theory and it sounds like you are well aligned with it. I haven't read the book yet but I like the approach. And yes, cheers to not knowing what 2025 will bring!!
I have seen Mel Robbins in my feed but don't know much about her -- I will check her out! Happy New Year, Dina!
I have been homeschooling/cyberschooling for many years and there are so many... I don't know 's.
I don't know if I am doing things right...
I don't know why you are asking about socialization.
I don't know what socialization really means.
I don't know if I did it all "right"
and I don't know what our future holds...
so I co-create it with the universe and pray for poetry and love and gratitude to fill our hearts.
Keep going...
Yes to all of these. I love the idea of co-creation...hadn't framed it that way. And I am with you on socialization -- there was so much expectation and forced socialization in my upbringing. Looking back, I don't think it was always such a great thing. I ignored a lot of my own inner compass. I've unlearned that tendency by watching Jason who has never, ever apologized for being at home on a Saturday night with a good book; in bed by 9pm. And it's been really nice to not pressure Sofia around socializing, "friend groups," etc. She mostly wants to be with us and a few other people and that's more than OK. All the best to you and yours, Corie.
I love this perspective and know how much those well meaning comments can derail you. I’m a student of Jason’s, so I know that we share many experiences since our kids were born. I’m the same age as you and had breast cancer the year after my son was born. My son is also neurodivergent and I have had similar struggles. This year, I am done with everyone’s advice too. I feel as though I have been getting unsolicited advice my whole life and it has done nothing but made me second guess myself. The level dramatically increased with breast cancer and parenting. I applaud you and am grateful for your voice. You are helping all of us to feel seen and stand up for our choices.
Wow...we are on similar journeys! I am here supporting you in being done with others' advice and listening to your inner voice. It's not always easy, but I like imagining an invisible web of support that we can give each other!
I learned that mostly people were threatened by anything different than what they knew when they questioned me with harshness. Like with breastfeeding, baby carrying, homeschooling, home birthing etc... but family.. family is important. And being a mother is important and one mantra that kept me going for so many years was..."it's not about me."
I recently lost both my adult children. I am raising my grandson. I have had to give completely to I Have absolutely no idea what will happen. I try daily to lean into the unknown. And I try to do my best knowing that the results all unknown. Will try as long as I breathe. Thank you for the message.
Kathryn, how hard to lose your adult children. I'm so sorry. I'm so glad your grandson has you. Yes to breathing and leaning into the unknown. Sending you much love!
I have three children- I homeschooled my girls as long as I could. One is doctor in the Navy the other is an artist in Chicago. My son did not home school and he’s in college now trying to sort out what he wants to do. They all had a different “fit” in life. Keep going. You are doing the right thing.
I love hearing this. Thank you 🙏🏻
The story you told on Yogaish about jumping in the car, going to the beach, and seeing her come alive running there -- I mean, that's what trad schooling leaves out, even discourages. That family story just nailed it, that you are definitely on the right path with her! And if anyone pokes at you with well-meaning questioning, they can bugger off! And a huge yes to future agnosticism, entirely with you there.
There are always hidden gifts and one of the gifts of having a kid who can’t jive with trad schooling is it reminds ME to have these moments ya know? I think I’m so mindful and then…yeah wow she brings me back to wonder ❤️
Thanks for sharing this deeply personal post. I've been circling around ideas for a theme for myself in 2025. Embracing a don't know mind and exploring that teaching feels relevant and needed. Thank you for reminding me of it.
Much love to you!
Jes
Much love to you, too, Jes!
Love the mind set Andrea! 💜 There are so, so many irons in the fire going into 2025 for both me and my husband and taking the “don’t know” approach truly does seem to be the best path right now. I don’t know, nor can I control what will do will not happen. The intentions are clear and set and how ever the chips fall, I’m here for it! Great read and wishing you all the best in 2025!
PS: Really enjoying the addition of the Yogaish podcasts - keep them coming!
✌️💛🧘♀️🙏
Thanks, Danielle. Sending all the blessings to you and your husband as you navigate what's to come!
“I don’t know”. I love it, Andrea 🩷
Liberation is one of my words for 2025 too, as well as Autonomy, right by “People Un-Pleasing”.
Lots of love to you three, you’re amazing and doing all the right things 💯 🥰
Liberation -- such a good word! I'm looking at tenacity, joy, discernment. Might add liberation to my list. Hope you are all well, Mara!